Sunday, May 14, 2006 at 3:34 PM
hey. alrighty. today was quite happy though. my darling came to my house. woww. lol. den it was like. FUN again. but i studied la. im good ! (X haha. den wont go into details again. =X hahah. den sent him off at 7pm. and i was home at 8pm. LOL. we waited for taxi fo so fucking long. bloody taxis. all dunno gone where. I CANT WAIT TILL EXAMS ARE OVER MANS. i wanna watch M.I.III !!! really craving for it ! hehehe. den its like, i misssssssss my darling so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! glad that im feeling better. although i still keep thinking about. i have this big pressure on top of me. but i gtta do something.. something. which i will not say. anyway, i really feel confused, lost and totally SHUT DOWN. yea, i guess so. its like so fucking shiat man. its like. so many things are shiat. SHIAT SHIAT SHIAT ! u know. shiat. i dunno why im saying all this man. sighs * i dun like to sigh you noe. you wont hear me sigh. although sometimes. i HATE sighing. becos i have the feeling of being tied down in my heart. the bloody fucking hook is still hooked there. not coming off. making the whole heart feeling so tied up. like i cant breathe. BLOCKED * FCUUUUKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSS. ok, lets have another poem.
the wind, blowing across
blowing like forever
everywhere..
when will it stop blowing?
i wish that these wind will stop
stop blowing
but will it?
it is a real mystery for me..
its like those strong sun,
being blocked by clouds
and u cant see the sunshine anymore..
but the heavy raindrops
leaving a wet trail on yr face
making your day unpleasent..
but rain is fun..
its cold, and damp
maybe dats how i should feel
like the rain..
no sunshine, no pleasent days
wind bringing the coldness in
wind making you feel cold
wind freezing the day with the rain
thats all.
bye ppl. ADIOS ~ hey. bloggin earlier first.
but later in the late night again. =X heee.
today aint a good day. AINT AT ALL ! :((
first of all, i dun get to see him. i miss him.
second of all, is that i realized that..
i cant trust many stuff.
jas, i really trust you ! i really love her. so nice of her ! always listening to my moanings and always talking me out. love her soo soo much ! (X
got a real shocked of my life. i wont say it here. nonono. dun ask me about it, i aint gonna spit any fucking shiat out of my mouth. i guess i have to admit my fate. I HAVE TO ! i have many questions in my mind. like, " must i smile or get upset ? , must i ren or say ? , must i ask or be quiet ? , must i or must i not ? must i still carry on or must i let go ? " still there are many more. i dunno what i should do now. really, so fucked up. really so pissssssssssseeeeeeeeddddd. but not really much of pissed. a little only i guess. i feel attacked by something hard that it knocks my out of my senses. in the front and at the back. soo hard. dat it hurts me so much. made me lose my SENSES. i lost control. LOST IT ALL. still having all those sentences whirling inside of ma head. why why why ? starting off with a good pleasent day, and hanging in the air now. clueless of many things. nvm, none of you will understand how i feel. NONE. only jas and xanne i guess. XANNE, i forgot. thank you sooooo muchh toO ! she is one great person tooo. LOVE HER MANY ! (X
i cant concentrate on anything. i might just stone forever. be a stone, be a statue. i tot i could help, i tried, but it failed. that maybe that causes all this shiat out of me. i tried really tired. i HANGED MYSELF, STRANGLED MYSELF, KILLED MYSELF, SLAPPED MYSELF, SCRACTCHED MYSELF, CUT MYSELF, HIT MYSELF. and now im here. ( ok, thats not true. its me just giving examples of my feelings, sort of dead feelings ) HANGING HALF-DEADLY. i decided to write a poem for myself, what i feel now, i feel like a poet. maybe i shall be famous someday. (: here it goes.
i can feel
the undescribeable feeling
of all these
slowly twirling around
the mystified heart
the clueless heart
the rotting heart
its slowly eroding away
unnoticeable
not leaving any marks
for you to follow
not leaving any blood
for you to follow
not leaving anything
FOR YOU TO FOLLOW !
becos you aint worth it
no no no
i feel so like a LOCK
its hard, and would lock
but, once its open,
the world is open to you
and again, u gtta attend to them
but when its locked forever,
thw world would be locked from you
closed, disappear, not showing
anymore
becos im locked. im locked, from these
im lost
im ripped
im gone
thank you ppl. thats my poem. although is shiat. but i sort of made it through my own BRAINS. although my brain is only a pea brain. =X lol. take care all. ADIOS~